If I could write Katy a song it would be this one.  But I’m not Edward the vampire so I can’t. 

That’s a funny joke right thar.

Anyway, call me crazy, but I truly believe in the first amendment.  And I’m not one of those people who just believe in it when it suits my needs.  I’ll defend your right to say whatever you want, even if I completely disagree with what you’re saying.

So, when cases come up that threaten it, I get a little uneasy.  Case in point.

On the one hand I’m glad I don’t participate in office talk, because that means that somewhere my mind still exists, but on the other hand it makes me look even more shy and reserved. The problem is, I really have no idea how to respond when someone sighs and says “okay, I’m ready to go home now,” or “okay, I’ve learned something new for the day… time to go home now.” So I simply don’t respond at all.

I don’t get the hate toward this series.  I’ve read countless reviews that dismiss it since it “caters to screaming, rabid teenage girls.”  I’ve never before read so much negative press toward that age group.  Why aren’t the same reviewers condemning Transformers, James Bond, and the countless other movies that “cater to grunting, hairy males?”

I don’t know.

Anyway, if you haven’t read them, I wanted to pass on a good deal.  It’s essentially $8.75 for each hardcover book, and there’s no beating that.

Barnes and Noble has Twilight Saga Collection hardcover boxed set for $58 – 40% coupon H4D4U8B when you use your master card = $35 with free shipping. Next best on PriceGrabber is $72.

Note, the coupon will not work if you do not have a mastercard selected as your form of payment. You may receive an error message the first time you apply the coupon, but it will work the second time.

Barnes and Noble members, use coupon V7E3F7F instead to save 40% on top of your membership discount

This video had me damnneartearz.

“I dig smooching babes, I squeeze their butts if they give their consent.  Doop doo doodely doo doo doo….”

And why are Ludacris and T-Pain better at NOT reading the teleprompter than some of the regular cast?

I was actually diagnosed with ADD during that weird phase of high school when I saw a therapist.  She referred me to a psychiatrist and after a 30 minute appointment said I had ADD.  I went home and told my mom and her words were, “Who’s telling you that you have ADD?” and that’s the last time it was brought up.  Actually, I think that was my last appointment altogether.  I called once, shortly thereafter, to say that I had broken up with my (at the time) girlfriend and everything had miraculously gotten better so I was no longer in need of counseling.  But the ADD thing was left unanswered.

So, I use that as a crutch when I try to explain to myself why I can’t focus on things for very long.  I don’t know if that’s actually true or if the psychiatrist actually meant “further testing is needed,” and even if it is true I don’t think it’s anywhere near as bad as some people probably have it, but either way it’s been on my mind ever since.

The problem is made worse by the Internet and computers.  It’s cliche to say that nowadays, but it’s true.  If I don’t have at least 3 programs going and 5 Internet tabs to random websites, I feel inadequate.  Sometimes I’ll loose my train of thought in an email and switch over to CNN.com saying I need a break, get halfway through an article and decide I want to post it to my blog, then go back to work editing some video before realizing I still have to finish that email I started.  I think that this is very normal behavior—but behavior made possible by computers and the Internet, and behavior that starts a pretty nasty habit of pointing and clicking on whatever is shiny, regardless of whether or not you’ve finished your original task or not.

Over the past couple years, though, I’ve noticed I’ve started doing the same thing with TV, movies, and books.  Just the other day I started a movie and despite being completely content watching it, turned it off after 20 minutes because I wanted to read.  After reading for 20 minutes, I decided I’d go watch an episode of Roseanne that I had downloaded.  ::embarrassed::

The thought in the back of my head is “this is a waste of time.”  No matter what activity I am doing I can’t really relax and get into it as much as I’d like, because part of me says “this is a waste of time.”

What got me thinking about this was a comment Logan said the other day:  “well, when you stop, do you go and do something that’s actually worth your time?”

The answer, most of the time, is no, because 20 minutes later I’m chastising myself to get up and do something worthwhile.

So what is worthwhile?  I’m wondering if I’ll ever find something that’s worthwhile and if I do, what that something could possibly be?  And if I do find something worthwhile, whether or not I will actually remember doing it since part of this whole problem is the inability to really remember anything, because my mind is always on something else?

Also:  with a few exceptions, I’ve found that I don’t really remember a book until I’ve read it the second time.  Does this happen to anyone else?  For example, if I read something, I can pick it up a month later, flip through the pages, and feel like I’m looking at something I’ve never looked at before.  But if I pick it up and read it again, most of it comes back to me and is solidified since I’m forced to think about it again.

So whazap wit that?!

Well, that was just great.

The general consensus I’m hearing is that if you’ve read the book, the movie is great, but if you haven’t, it’s just okay.  I have a theory as to why that is—if you haven’t read the book, but in some cases even if you have, the movie feels rushed.  There is so much that takes place in the book and to cram it all into two hours makes it so that no particular scene really lasts that long, and developments happen within seconds.  In addition to this, I felt as if I was watching the movie through a fog, because I knew exactly what Bella was thinking when she did the things she did.  For a viewer who had not read the book, I’m sure there was a few scenes that just didn’t make sense for that same reason.

They could have taken a lot out of the movie to solve the rushed feeling, but because they didn’t it’s probably the most faithful book-to-movie adaptation I’ve ever seen.  Depending on what you’re looking for, this could be a good thing or a bad thing.

Personally I’m looking at it as a bonus.  The book is where it’s at for me.  But because of the movie, I got to see the characters and scenes that I love acted out in front of me with real, beautiful people.

Yes, I realize how that sounds.  But I’m really loving this story.  I’m glad I have three more books to go.

My favorite scene in the book is when Edward reveals exactly why vampires can’t go into the sunlight.  I thought it was a clever new take on the vampire mythology… instead of them shriveling up and shrinking, the sunlight reflects off of their skin in a way to make them more alluring and irresistible to their prey.  So his skin sparkles like diamonds.  I pictured it differently in my head, but what they showed on screen was subtler and even a little better.

My next favorite scene in the book is the baseball scene, and I’m glad to say that it’s almost exactly like I pictured in my head.  Almost down to the placement of the trees.  And one of my favorite lines from the book comes from that same scene, when Carlisle nervously but graciously greets the new vampire clan, and introduces them to his family, including Bella.  The warmth and welcome that the Cullens showed Bella was a really rewarding part of the story and I’m glad that it translated well onto the screen.

The one major gripe I have isn’t even with the movie.  And I’ve heard it mentioned in more than one review so I know it didn’t just happen in my theatre at this one showing.  But for some reason, there is continuous laughter coming from the audience through the entire thing.  I’d say for about the first 2/3 of the particular showing I was in, there wasn’t one quiet moment in the movie—at any given second, someone was laughing.

The movie had it’s funny parts and little jokes, but nothing to warrant laughing for almost 80 continuous minutes.  I sum that up to two groups of people.  Group one is teenage girls or some women in general who are falling in love with Edward and don’t know how else to let their friends know besides awkwardly laughing at each scene he’s in, and group number two, who have no idea what they’re watching.

An example is when Edward takes Bella to the forest and explains to her that her blood is like his heroin.  The girl behind me wondered out loud, “why would you say that on a date?!”  I don’t think she understood Edward was a vampire, and that it wasn’t even a date.  And those who laughed at Edward’s reaction when he first saw Bella clearly don’t understand what was really going through his head.  But that’s okay, stories can be interpreted differently by each listener and if they saw something that I didn’t, more power to them, I suppose.

I give it a solid B, only because of the pacing issue I mentioned.  Otherwise, the acting was what I expected and it did not ramp up the action in an attempt to appeal to teenage boys, which I appreciated.  And as I said, it’s got to be the most faithful book-to-movie adaptation I’ve ever seen.

Oh, yeah!  About the title of this blog.  I’m wondering, if vampires don’t eat real food, they must not poop.  Based on what was presented in the books I’m fairly certain that they don’t actually expel waste from their anuses.  So I’m wondering if they still have them.  Thoughts?

Initial impression:  meh.  (The scale goes like this, from worst to best:  maaaaah, nah, meh, eh, holy crap)

But what can you expect from a game with such a creative title as “Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe?”  My expectations weren’t high, and it pretty much lived up to them without going at all beyond.

It’s sad and boring to me to sit and play one-player against the computer, so I tried the story-line mode which would take me through the back story of how the two universes came to merge in the first place.  I was first prompted to “pick a side:”  Mortal Kombat or DC.  I was torn.  I’ve been a Mortal Kombat fan since I was little, but didn’t really start following DC until recently.  I’ve always liked Superman and Batman, but who did I feel more allegiance to?

It was a tough decision having to choose, friends.  In the end, I looked at all the ridiculous costumes on DC’s side and all the bad ass costumes on the MK side.  Then I thought about how unintentionally cheesy Wonder Woman is, and the ridiculousness of Green Lantern, and… (it’s embarrassing to even think he has a comic) Shazaam.

So, if our universes ever meged, I’m fighting alongside Liu Kang, Sub-Zero, and Sonya Blade.

The graphics are kind of what make this game.  Seeing old favorites almost life-like was great, though the voice acting and storyline is terrible.  I hate how, when alone, characters will talk to themselves as if someone is there.  “Now, all I have to do is get this computer chip to Sonya in time!  Too bad I don’t have adequate transportation.  Wait a minute… I’ll just use the techno-portal!”

The combat system is great when fighting one-on-one, better than the previous games.  But it’s trickier and takes a lot of getting used to in order to avoid your opponent stringing combos and not giving you any chance of fighting back.  It’s more realistic looking, with punches that actually look real instead of making the opponent fly exaggerated across the screen.

The DC characters look really great, too.  The Joker is the best, I think.  He has a few moves that might be considered creepy even, like his hand shake where he zaps you, or when he drops a bomb and frantically runs away plugging his ears.

Ultimately, it’s just eye candy unless you master the combat system and have another person to play with.  Otherwise, it’s a kid’s game—which isn’t necessarily bad, but you’ll feel dumber playing it.

Reporting from Lincoln, Neb. — First Melyssa Cowburn’s 5-year-old child tried to bash in a baby’s head with a hammer. Then he set the shower curtain on fire. The next day he plugged all the sinks and toilets in their apartment and flooded the place.

Cowburn and her husband had tried unsuccessfully to get their insurance company to pay for mental health treatment for the boy. The difficulty she had keeping him under control had already helped drive her to attempt suicide last year. Now she felt she had only one option: She flew with her child to Nebraska last week and tearfully left him there.

This state has become notorious for being the one place in the country with a law whose wording allows parents to abandon children up to age 18. Its unique safe-haven law — which was intended to let parents leave unwanted infants at hospitals without legal consequences — took effect in September, and since then 35 children have been abandoned, almost all of them 11 or older.

After twelve years with a child that you conceived and raised, I can’t imagine what kind of monster you have to be to look them in the eye and say “I’m driving you to Nebraska to abandon you.  I don’t want you anymore.”  Awkward car ride aside, it really does kind of make me sick to think about.

The original Day the Earth Stood Still is one my favorite movies.

Keeanu’s remake next month will be totally different, only because you can’t really improve much on the original.  I still really want to see it!

Google doesn’t just help you find the nearest pizza place anymore – now it helps doctors find where flu epidemics are going to strike next. Working with a group of epidemiologists, the tech megacorp has revealed a new system for tracking disease outbreaks by checking what people are searching for. By tracking the rise in searches on phrases like “cold/flu remedy,” Google said yesterday in a Nature article that it can predict with almost total accuracy where flu outbreaks are occurring, far more quickly than the American Centers for Disease Control can.

W-O-W.

If you’ve read Twilight, you should read Midnight Sun.  It’s Twilight, rewritten from Edward’s perspective.  It was supposed to be a book, but it leaked.  The awesome thing is that instead of pissing and moaning (which she did), the author accepted that it happened and posted it on her website for free.

I haven’t gotten far into it, but this part is tits.  The first time Bella walks into the classroom, she stumbles over her feet because of how gorgeous Edward is.  All you read is how Edward uncomfortably grips the table.  Later on he tells her it was because she smelled so good.  Here’s what he meant:

Bella Swan walked into the flow of the heated air that blew toward me from the vent.

Her scent hit me like a wrecking ball, like a battering ram.  There was no image violent enough to encapsulate the force of what happened to me in that moment.

In that instant, I was nothing close to the human I’d once been; no trace of the shreds of humanity I’d managed to cloak myself in remained.

I was a predator.  She was my prey.  There was nothing else in the whole world but that truth.

There was no room full of witnesses—they were already collateral damage in my head.  The mystery of her thoughts was forgotten, for she would not go on thinking them much longer.

I was a vampire, and she had the sweetest blood I’d smelled in eighty years.

I hadn’t imagined such a scent could exist.  If I’d known it did, I would have gone searching for it long ago.  I would have combed the planet for her.  I could imagine the taste…

Thirst burned through my throat like fire.

Read the rest.

Here’s what I’m hoping the press conference will sound like whenever they decide on what to do with the automakers bailout:

Good afternoon, bitches.  After meeting, we’ve decided to approve this whole shebangabang.  Here’s how it’ll go down…

The era of the combustion engine is coming to a close.  If there’s one thing you three should have learned over the past decade or so, is that you can’t force feed gas guzzling vehicles down consumers throats.  Because consumers will not tolerate four-dollar-a-gallon gas.  And while the price of gas may have receded, it will go up again, and when it does we’ll be in the same situation we are now as long as we follow the same old plans.

So, we’ve set aside $25 billion dollars.

However, we haven’t set that aside for you.  We’ve decided to invest that money into the future.  The $25 billion will go to whichever company can design, blueprint, and mass produce a line of cars that are completely free of gasoline and cost under $16,000 to the consumer.  I’m not talking about hybrid technology… we need to move beyond that.  Maybe it’s hydrogen fuel cell, electricity, whatever.  I’m not an engineer.  But whoever is, and is up to the challenge, will get a $25 billion dollar investment from the American people.

Maybe that means a merger for you three.  Maybe it means Joe the Mechanic will be the next Henry Ford.  You have three months.

Seacrest out.

Here’s how I think it will go down:

Good afternoon, sirs.  How much do you need?  Twenty five bill?  That’s totally fine, pay us back whenevsies.

As Charlie Jane Anders puts it:  “Watching [Monday’s] episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, I couldn’t help wondering why this show hasn’t become the new Lost.”

I’m telling you people (I presume few of you watch it), while Lost is still Adam’s Best Show on Television, Terminator is a show that takes itself seriously, and you should, too.

Monday’s episode was another one of the best.  It featured a particular story line that involved a time travel scenario that took some time to think through properly even after the show ended.

Imagine you are 60 years old, and the world as we know it has come to an end.  Our robots have rebelled and killed most of us, but for some reason you were spared.  The robots put you to use, because you had spent lots of time in jail and know how to “work” with people.  So you teach the machines the frailty of the human body, how to torture, etc.  In exchange, once your work is complete they send you back in time to live out the rest of your days in peace.  Except, when you’re back in time, you cross paths with someone else who has come back in time… one of your old test subjects.  They tie you up and beat you, but you refuse to admit who you really are (this was a scene reminiscent of Henry Gale).

So, they bring in a younger version of you.  Since you traveled back in time, you exist in this time period as, say, a 25 year old.  They say they’re not going to torture YOU for answers, they’re going to start chopping off the younger version’s fingers until you answer.

You end up talking, they end up killing you, and setting your younger version free with the knowledge that if he follows the same path, then he’s just witnessed his own death.  Your younger version takes the advice to heart, and sets off to do the right thing.  Except the FBI shows up at his door, showing DNA evidence that he committed some kind of crime.

“It wasn’t me!”  Your younger version says, though he knows the truth… his future self did something terrible and he’s taking the blame.  But what do you tell the FBI investigator?

You could lie, but you know the truth, and they’re going to see that.  But the story you would tell would make them think you’re crazy.  “Sorry, officer, it wasn’t me, it was a 60-year-old version of myself from a future where machines have taken over the world!”

Well, that’s what happened, and when he tells them, he gets locked up in a mental ward, the same “jail” where he learned how to “work” with people in the first place.  If our heroes had left well enough alone, none of it would have happened.

And that’s what makes the show so great.  We have a show where the main theme is saving the world from a bleak future you know is coming.  I think it’s why nobody wants to give it a chance:  they know how it ends.  The machines win, otherwise there’s no story.  But as we’re learning, I’m not so sure that’s the central concept of the show.  It seems like anything they do is only making things worse.

Makes me wonder if the whole franchise has been a ruse:  maybe it’s John Connor sending back the evil robots, and Skynet sending back the good ones to save him, because if John Connor dies, Skynet isn’t born.

Also interesting was the realization that Derek came back from a different future than Jesse.  Derek came back first, from a future where he was never tortured by the 60-year-old time traveler.  But Jesse remembers him being tortured implicitly.  So, either Derek has blocked the memory, or Jesse, having come back later than Derek, is from a different future because something Derek has done has changed his future for the worst.

The show still has a lot of unanswered questions that bug me, such as never following up on Cameron’s declaration of love for John, and never explaining if she’s constantly having to override the “Terminate John Connor” command, but maybe those answers are still coming.  Once they consistently start dropping hints at stuff like that, just to let us know that they haven’t forgotten and an explanation is coming, they’re one step closer to Adam’s Best Show on Television.

Also, it’s fun to think that we’ve now seen the same amount of episodes in season two as we did in season one!  But this time, the season is only half over!

There is a delicious irony in seeing private luxury jets flying into Washington, D.C., and people coming off of them with tin cups in their hand, saying that they’re going to be trimming down and streamlining their businesses. It’s almost like seeing a guy show up at the soup kitchen in high hat and tuxedo. It kind of makes you a little bit suspicious. Couldn’t you all have downgraded to first class or jet-pooled or something to get here? It would have at least sent a message that you get it.

Rep. Gary Ackerman, D-New York, speaking to the chief executive officers of Ford, Chrysler and General Motors at a hearing of the House Financial Services Committee.  Their reaction: